Recognizing Rest in Times of Stress
When you’re on the edge of burnout with no possibility of a break in sight, what can you do? When there’s no time for time away, it’s still possible (and necessary) to find time for rest – and actually use it.
Last year, I had a client who wanted to prioritize her wellbeing. A CEO of a small non profit, she had an immense sense of purpose and dedication for her work. But she had been stuck in constant burn-the-candle-at-both-ends mode while covering the work of two senior staff members who had moved on in addition to her own. Now she was heading into a major project launch and the organization’s busiest time of year, with no time to hire and onboard help. Knowing she was already burnt out, she was worried.
“What I really need right now is a vacation, but I don’t have time for one. Realistically, the soonest I can be away from the office for even a day is like 8 weeks from now. But I’m so exhausted. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
As she spoke, I remembered something I learned playing soccer in high school. Sophomore year, I had played fullback since childhood and was a decent defender. I had all kinds of pollen allergies resulting in exercise-induced asthma, so my endurance wasn’t great, but I had skills, could anticipate plays, and was good in short bursts, making quick and accurate decisions.
Then one day my coach put me in as a midfielder. Teenage anxiety shifting into high gear and terrified I’d run completely out of breath and die of asphyxiation (or embarrassment), I pushed back a bit. “Coach, midfielders have to run up and down the field the whole game. I’m really not sure I can do that.”
“Sure, you can. Give it a try.” he said.
Photo by Abigail Keenan on Unsplash
So for several games, I gave it my best shot. And for several games, I was a wheezing, stressed-out mess. Constantly running, head throbbing and spinning, I could barely think. When I did step to a play, I’d blunder the ball, exhausted. My confidence tanked. Halfway through the third game of this, my coach pulled me aside.
“Listen, I’m seeing you out there and noticed something. You never stop movin’. You’re keyed up, hustling all the time, even when the ball is nowhere near you.” he said, hand on my shoulder so I’d slow down a minute and listen.
Confused and gasping, I asked, “Isn’t that what a midfielder is supposed to do?”
“Well, no. See, you have to be ready as a midfielder. Which means you have to run a lot. But you also have to make sure you rest.”
I looked at him blankly, still winded, now even more confused.
“Look, all that running means you’re gonna need to rest in order to keep going for the whole game. But it ain’t gonna be obvious when and where you can get that rest. So you’ve got to get good at finding moments when you can rest and THEN, in THOSE moments, you have GOT to MAKE yourself REST!” he emphasized. “You’re smart and you know how to hustle. But now you gotta be smart about how you’re taking care of yourself and using your energy.”
As a fifteen year old, this seemed like the weirdest, most upside-down advice I’d ever heard. Though skeptical, I took his words to heart. I hustled, I looked for moments for rest, I paused and made myself rest before it was time to hustle again. And it helped tremendously. Even just a pause to enjoy the breeze on my face or the soft grass under my feet could be a little rest. It calmed me and helped my breath. Then, I could snap back into action, AND sustain my energy. I was more confident and more accurate with my plays. And I enjoyed the game a lot more too.
I briefly shared this story with my client and then said, “OK, days off aren’t an option right now. But I’d be willing to guess that in the next 8 weeks there will be chunks of time, whether they be hours, minutes, or even seconds, when you will be able to pause and not work. How could you identify those times and intentionally use them for rest?”
She shifted in her seat, thinking. “Yeah, you know, that is helpful. I hadn’t thought about that. Evenings and weekends, even when I don’t have to take work home with me, I’m still thinking about all I have to do, not really thinking about resting or taking care of myself. I think I could find an hour a day to really relax or do some self-care - at least a few days a week - and that would really help. My husband knows how much I need this. I think he’d help take the kids so I can have that time.”
Dogs are highly skilled at recognizing moments for rest. Photo by Ana Martin on Unsplash.
We talked about what kinds of things she could do for rest during those times, so that she had options ready. We also talked about even shorter moments - minutes and even seconds in the day between meetings and tasks - that she could claim for intentional rest, and what that could look like.
“I’d like to go outside or something, maybe take some deep breaths, walk around a little, get a drink of water. I rarely do that stuff anymore. I’m always thinking about things I have to do. But they really don’t take that long. And with short breaks like that, I’d probably be more productive in the day, than if I kept trying to cram in more tasks while I’m too tired to think.”
By prioritizing rest, she became more mindful of it. She saw it as beneficial and practical - part of a strategy for success. She booked a week off for after the 8-week crunch time, and in the meantime, proceeded with her plan of noticing opportunities for rest and intentionally getting the benefit of rest during the moments she had. Those months were a challenge, but went much better than she had expected. She felt better than expected, being able to get things done while also looking out for her own wellbeing. Taking small moments sustained her so she could really enjoy her vacation at the end of those 8 weeks.
“...it ain’t gonna be obvious when and where you can get that rest. So you’ve got to get good at finding moments when you can rest and THEN, in THOSE moments, you have GOT to MAKE yourself REST! You’re smart and you know how to hustle. But now you gotta be smart about how you’re taking care of yourself and using your energy.”
Sometimes rest is the real work. It’s hard to make rest happen. In a work culture that merits hustle and sacrifice, it’s even hard to accept that we need rest, let alone make it a priority and actually take time to rest.
But if we get serious about improving our resting awareness, getting smarter about our seconds, minutes and hours - we find moments we can use. Is it perfect? No, but recognizing it’s importance, we can make the moments we have to rest more valuable. As we make space for rest - in our schedule as well as our mindset - it returns the favor of recharging us, even in the midst of ongoing stress.
When it comes to recognizing rest, what do you want to work on for yourself?
Noticing when I’m working too hard or too long and I needed a break
Taking responsibility for my rest. Just like I’m responsible for my work, I want to get more consistent and accountable.
Being intentional about using my energy, not overworking or overthinking as much.
Finding ways to manage in situations where a real break isn’t possible. Getting better at noticing and using moments for rest.
Actually making myself rest (even when I want or have the urge to keep working). Shutting off my brain!
If you’re a busy leader wanting work on finding and getting better rest, I’d love to help! Coaching is an excellent way to get consistent and adaptable support to make (and stick with) the positive changes you want to see in your life. To get started, reach out to me at juliariceandco.com/schedule to schedule a time to meet and talk about your goals.
